


Wrong Number

by Ladytalon



Series: The Doctors Light [33]
Category: DCU, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Embarrassment, F/M, Gen, Humor, Sexting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-11
Updated: 2015-08-11
Packaged: 2018-04-14 05:25:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4552293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladytalon/pseuds/Ladytalon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She wanted him out of his comfort zone, and he was miles away from it. <b>EARTH-14</b></p>
            </blockquote>





	Wrong Number

Noah stares down at the slowly blinking cursor, wondering yet again how it was that he'd ever gotten roped into something like this. _"What better way to prove that you've changed? Live a little, Noah,"_ Liz had urged gently, smiling at him in such a way that he could refuse her nothing. Why had she chosen _this_ method, though? A fiery love letter is more his style - it's _romantic_. It's fucking _classy_ , god damn it!

If Elizabeth wants him out of his comfort zone, she's certainly succeeded with this one. Who the _hell_ demands _sexting_ , of all things? He can barely praise her beauty in person without breaking a sweat, let alone spread dirty talk amongst the cell towers where he's damned near powerless to retrieve it. Of course, this is the entire point but he doesn't have to be _happy_ about it.

"What's taking so long? We gonna play, or what?" Arthur Light's voice intrudes upon his thoughts, and Noah looks over at his friend irritably.

"There's...something I have to do. Deal me in for the hand after next, okay?" 

Light shrugs and slides the pack of cards over to Leonard Snart while Merlyn shakes his head disapprovingly. "Everyone these days is always staring down at their phones instead of actually living their life," the archer grumbles. "Best of three, since Noah's busy playing Angry Birds over there?"

"Kids these days, eh?" Len says with a wink. "Alright, boys..."

Noah tunes them out and returns his attention to the taunting blue cursor still blinking at him. How is he even supposed to begin? 'Hello there'? Would that work as an icebreaker? No, he decides, it's still a bit too formal. But what about... 'Hello there, _Sexy_ '? Perhaps that would work; it has the regular elements of a greeting, but it also signifies his intent. He types it out and hits Send before he can talk himself out of it.

He gnaws at his bottom lip anxiously, immediately regretting having sent it, and nearly leaps right out of his chair when the loud buzzing of a phone vibrating startles him. Arthur reaches for it absently, still studying the cards in his other hand, and Noah isn't paying close enough attention to see the other man's eyes widen in surprise, or notice Arthur nudge Merlyn and angle the phone's screen towards him. Noah sighs and is about to slump in his chair when he sees that Lizzie is writing him back. The message she sends is just like her, too. " _I think you sent that to the wrong person_ ," she types back modestly.

"Of course I didn't... isn't this the most beautiful person I've ever laid eyes on?" Noah replies. Yes, she'll love that - _keep it smooth, Kuttler. Oh, yeah_.

Noah gives himself a mental pat on the back as she responds with, " _Well, you've got me there. _" He hums in satisfaction and Lenny releases a strangled cough but when he looks over, all three of them are glaring ferociously at the cards in their hands. “You’re taking that game far too seriously,” he advises his friends.__

__Merlyn looks up at him. “Oh, I wouldn’t go that far.”_ _

__“Definitely not,” Arthur adds._ _

__He shrugs and looks back down at his phone, trying to think of what to type next. “Well, suit yourselves.” There’s the tried-and-true cliché of asking what she’s wearing; maybe he could ask that? If Liz thinks it's corny, he can just say he's joking - but if she goes along with it... Noah types the question and hits Send._ _

__Lenny has another coughing fit. "Hey, you mind if I get some water?" the Rogue splutters. "Artie, c'mon and help me." Light vacates his seat so quickly he probably teleported, and Noah frowns at Merlyn who is rubbing at watering eyes._ _

__"What's going on?" he asks curiously._ _

__His best friend sniffs and rolls his eyes up to the ceiling, dabbing the corners with one of his monogrammed handkerchiefs. "Allergies."_ _

__"No, I meant with them." Noah hooks a thumb towards the kitchen, where he can hear an inordinate amount of wheezing. "Since when is getting a glass of water a tagteam event? You're all acting strange."_ _

__Merlyn shakes his head. "Oh, no. We just came from scouting Gotham Federal, that's all - I swear that the air they pump through those vents is at least ten years old. You'd have better air quality on a submarine that's been underwater for six months with a crew eating nothing but Limburger cheese. Plus, you know how those two are joined at the hip whenever we all get together - it's like how women always have to go to the bathroom together... but yeah, that bank is a horrid place."_ _

__"This is true," Noah says, remembering exactly how nasty the bank smells. "No wonder your allergies are acting up. None of you mentioned a heist before, though..." he trails off, slightly hurt that he hadn't been involved._ _

__"Well, that's because there's not going to be one. We stopped off on our way here because Lenny's thinking of doing a themed proposal to Angie," Merlyn explains. "With your, er, situation concerning Elizabeth at the moment, we didn't think it was appropriate for you to be seen with _us_ at a bank. Someone might get the wrong idea about you, you know?"_ _

__Noah nods thoughtfully. "I appreciate that, thank you." His phone beeps with another message. "Oh, hold that thought." Merlyn grumbles something uncomplimentary about technology, but Noah doesn't care because Lizzie has just replied that she's fully dressed but that she's willing to take some of it off for him. They exchange quite a few descriptions (along with some demands for further details) and the whole thing would be unbearably sexy if not for the frequent interruptions of his friends, who seem to be having a card game for the ages judging from the amount of grunting, giggling, and wheezing that's going on. "Will you three _knock it off_ ," Noah hisses, trying to type out a respectful way to ask Liz if she'll send him a nude photo. He hits Send irritably, and there's suddenly another uproar at the table which has Lenny declaring that he can't take it anymore._ _

__" _Wait a minute, I'm not alone right now_ ," Liz writes back, which gives Noah the perfect opportunity to confront his friends._ _

__"Can you three quiet down?" he asks, trying not to sound too angry - after all, it's not as if _they_ know what they're interrupting. "You don't have to be absolutely silent, but perhaps not so loud...?"_ _

__"Sorry," Arthur coughs, then hits the table with his fist when Merlyn leans in to murmur something into his ear. " _No_ -"_ _

__"But just imagine," the archer protests._ _

__"Imagine _what_? What the hell is going on?" Noah asks. "I need a real answer this time - I'm getting really tired of this."_ _

__Lenny clears his throat. "Sorry. We were just trying to figure out which one of us has the nicest ass." Arthur lunges for his glass of water and starts chugging it, spluttering when he rolls his eyes over to look at Noah. "I've got a pretty good one, but it's probably a little too hairy." There's a gargling sound off to his right as Arthur valiantly tries not to do a spit-take all over Noah's living room._ _

__"Are you high?" Noah asks suspiciously. "I thought you two grew out of that phase years ago. Did you smoke something before you came over?" They chorus 'no' but Merlyn says 'yes,' so Noah just shakes his head disapprovingly and names Merlyn as the winner of the ass contest. "I should tell Angie and Kim you're messing with that crap again," he warns._ _

__He gets up to bring a rag back in to wipe up the water on the table, and his phone chimes as he's on his way back to the living room. This time, all three of them are draped over each other howling and carrying on like they've just been told the best joke in existence. Noah reaches for his phone and stares at the picture Lizzie has sent him, a view of her cleavage, not comprehending what's happening in the background as Arthur calls Kimiyo and begs her to unplug all of the electronics. "Don't worry about _why_ ; could you just do it? I'll tell you later, I swear!"_ _

__The mystery begins to unravel when Kimiyo arrives unannounced and with the other two women in tow. "What the hell is going on?" she demands as Elizabeth's presence is met with another swell of uproarious laughter._ _

__Arthur beckons her over, but Noah only has eyes for Lizzie. She smiles at him sweetly, giving no hint of the steamy texts they've been sharing. "How was your day?" he asks her. "See anything _interesting_?"_ _

__"Not really," she says cheerfully. "How was yours? You didn't do anything to the Light's electronics, did you?"_ _

__"No, why would I..." Noah looks over at the couple in question, who are both laughing at something on Arthur's phone. "What's going on over there?" he calls out._ _

__Kimiyo passes the phone to Angie who is perched on Lenny's lap, and the other woman claps her hand over her mouth upon reading something. "You forgot that you programmed Elizabeth's name wrong in your contact list - everyone else uses last name and _then_ first name."_ _

__What does that have to do with anything? "I didn't _program Elizabeth's name wrong_ , I..." Noah trails off when he scrolls through his contact list and reaches the L's. Sure enough, 'Lizzie' is directly below 'Light, Arthur.' He looks back up at Kimiyo's expectant face and begins to piece together some _very_ odd behavior. "Oh, no." The other men explode into laughter once again and Noah nearly drops his phone in his haste to check the text messages. Sure enough, he's been exchanging salacious texts with 'Light, Arthur.' "You could have _said_ something, you fucking jackass," Noah yells._ _

__"I did," Arthur protests. "I told you right away that you sent it to the wrong person! It's not my fault you kept going."_ _

__"But I thought it was...that _you_ were... god _damn_ it, Artie!" Noah can feel his face turning red, and he's mad enough to hack into Light's- but no, he _can't_ because there was that phone call Arthur had made to Kimiyo, and she's unplugged everything. Elizabeth slips the phone from his fingers and sits down beside him to find out what's going on. Insult is added to injury when even _she_ starts laughing._ _

__"I like this shot of... hang on, is that someone's butt?" she asks, peering at the screen._ _

__Noah snatches the phone back to look at the photo of Elizabeth's 'cleavage.' "You've got to be kidding me," he roars. "Merlyn, is that your ass?"_ _

__"Ooh, let me see," Kimiyo says, and Arthur passes his phone back to her while Merlyn pats his hair back into place like the traitorous peacock bastard he is. "Looking good, Merlyn," she praises._ _

__"I won the contest," he says modestly, still preening._ _

__Lizzie goes back to scrutinizing the photo. "Not bad."_ _

__"Yours is too hairy," Angie tells Lenny._ _

__This statement has the Lights up and running for the door, even though they can both teleport. "See you later, Sexy," Arthur yells on the way out. Kimiyo shoves him through the door and he can hear them hooting all the way down the stairs._ _

__"We, uh, we'd better get going too," Lenny says to no one in particular. "C'mon, Anj."_ _

__Noah glares across the table at Merlyn. "What do _you_ have to say for yourself? I'd expect this shit from those two stoners, but _you_?"_ _

__Merlyn shrugs his shoulders. "Expecting me to be the voice of reason, every single time, can get a bit old... don't you think?"_ _

__"No! No, I don't think that!"_ _

__Lizzie's hand finds his, and squeezes. "Why don't you two talk about this tomorrow? Certain tempers need to cool so that statements aren't made that might be difficult to retract later," she says calmly. She waits until Merlyn closes the door behind him to turn to Noah. "Honey, this is one of those things that you'll laugh about later."_ _

__"No it's not," he groans, taking off his glasses and burying his face in his hands. "This is so _humiliating_ , you have no idea-"_ _

__"Is it worse than that banana peel story you told me?"_ _

__"Please; I still wake up in a cold sweat over that debacle." Noah sits back in his chair, wincing as he sees her reading over the messages again. "Could you stop looking at that? It was bad enough getting the courage to type that when I thought it was really _you_ receiving it."_ _

__She smiles. "You were nervous?"_ _

__Noah clears his throat, looking anywhere but at her. "Of course I was. I told you I was no good at that sort of thing, and just look where it got me."_ _

__"You tried, though. For _me_ ," she says softly. "You were nervous, but you did it because I asked you to." Lizzie reaches her other hand over to touch his jaw, forcing him to look at her. "I think that calls for a _reward_ , don't you? You don't need to ask me what I'm wearing, because I think I'm about to let you see for yourself."_ _

__It's rather difficult to maintain an affronted demeanor when you get a result like this one, Noah thinks to himself as her fingers work at his belt. "I'm not going to complain," he assures her huskily._ _

__Liz unzips his pants and then purposely takes her time pulling her hair back, because there's only one thing she ever ties it back for during sex. He can feel his pulse thundering in his ears as she licks her lips slowly and looks down at his lap. "You know, I think they forgot that one of my best friends works for the IRS."_ _

__He has no idea what she's talking about but as she drops to her knees in front of him, Noah is beyond caring. "Yeah, sure," he says, letting his head fall back._ _

__It's only much later, when every inch of her is pressed up against him and she's still gloriously nude, that he remembers to ask her what her friend at the IRS has to do with anything. Lizzie smiles and draws patterns on his stomach. "It means that someone's getting red-flagged for an audit next season. Several someones."_ _

__She might not be a supervillain, but she certainly has ideas worthy of one. "I like the way you think."_ _


End file.
